You've been on the operating table just long enough to realize that the patient is you.
(Maharaji - Prem Rawat, date unknown)
From the Pulpit of
Reverend John Hammond-Smyth
The Dead Sea Scroll
March 16, 2001 in the year of our lord
And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto
his church of Elan Vital and sayeth - 'Write an scripture unto my teams
that they might know how best to worship me.' And the team leaders and
scribes of Elan Vital were overcome with clarity and gratitude for they
were bored stiff and had been falling asleep in their meditations.
'Now we can shew the Lord that we are his instruments' they said 'And
now we can impress those heathens in the land of Ex-prem and shew them
that our Lord is the one true God who we do not worship or follow.' And so
they set about their divine and holy task of writing the scripture.
And it was after much labouring that they had almost finished the
scripture and it was shewn to Glen of Whittaker and he saw that it was
And Glen sayeth 'Verily we destroyeth all traces of the old cult that
didst come from India with the Mahatmas and other infidels. For now we are
a modern organisation with propogation developement strategy who showeth
the way to clarity, and he that synchroniseth unto us shall forever be in
the light.' And Glen thought this sounded good so he writeth more and more
and he blisseth out in his service to the Lord.
And it came to pass that when the Ides of March didst cometh, Glen
putteth down his pen and sayeth, 'O Lord above who dwelleth in Malibu,
surely thou art pleased with thy humble servant now for I laboureth day
and night in thy divine service.'
And behold, the Lord didst give a sign unto Glen that his great work
was finished for he phoneth Glen and ordereth another container load of
And it came to pass that Glen went forth unto the children of Prem and
showeth them the divine scripture. And the children of Prem all fell upon
their knees as one team and sayeth, 'Great art thou O Glen of Whittaker,
great is thy understanding and remit that thou canst write this pack of
materials unto thy team leaders thereof. Verily, thy Post Knowledge Care
team hath been blessed by our Lord, and thy synchronised ushers hath been
shewn the way to perfermance developement therein.'
'Behold, thy proposals for improvement through rationalisation and
development of existing channels hath brought forth the grace of our Lord
into our midst. Thy information on events, materials and participation
opportunities hath opened mine eyes to the glory of the Lord.'
And lo, the team leaders of Prem all spake in tongues to communicate
information on tools available to support propagation. And no man knoweth
what they say.
This is a fictional work.
All characters and events portrayed are fictional.
Any similarity to real persons other than Public Persons is strictly coincidental.
Any similarity to real events is also coincidental.