And it came to pass that in those times, Jim of Heller
didst lament over the loss of his son, Michael, who had left the land of
Ex-prem and had wondered unto the lands of Normalis and Worldliness to
seek his fortune. And sad was Jim's lament for he sayeth to his brethren -
Yeah, even though I have all mine own family of exes around me, it is
Michael who I do sorely miss for only he can fulfil the need I have to
heareth the ways of the Lord.
And Jim's family didst try to comfort him, saying - Ye still have us, O
Jim of Heller and maybe Michael is so successful in the land of Normalis
that he hath forgotten us.
But this perplexed Jim, for he did not believe in his heart that his
favourite son could ever forget him. So he sent forth his messages upon
the internet to Michael, begging him to make contact, but alas, no reply
And some of the other sons of Jim of Heller spake badly about his
favourite son and sayeth that Michael was only interested in the treasures
to be found in the lands of Normalis and Worldliness and that Michael
betrayeth his own family and maketh a pact with the Devil (whose name
cannot be spoken).
And their rebukes of his favourite son didst anger Jim of Heller and he
smote them with his words and didst go out into the fields, alone to seek
solace. And he didst cry out unto the Lord, saying - Oh woe is me for I
have lost the one son who could silence the wagging tongues of the
unbelievers! Oh woe is me for I have lost my son and he didst never know
that appreciation that I have for him! And he didst tear his clothes in
And Jim of Heller didst go back into his house after the midnight hour
when all his family were asleep. And he didst go to his computer to pray
that a miracle might happen therein. And lo, upon his screen appeareth an
email from his son, Michael. And Michael didst write in the email that he
leaveth the lands of Normalis and Worldliness and returneth home to the
land of Ex-prem. And Jim's joy was so great that he woke up all of his
family to tell them the good news.
And the next day, Jim sent forth his sons upon the information super
highway to greet Michael who now returneth. And he didst unwrap the
defatted tofu which had been saved for the wedding feasts and didst tell
all his family and all of his brethren that now was the time for rejoicing
and celibration for his son Michael had been returned to him.
And some of his sons sayeth - Why dost thou maketh a big fuss over
Michael who didn't even give us a passing mention on his web site? Why
dost thou favour him when we have never
left you and have always
been at your side. And why dost thou unwrap the defatted tofu for Michael?
And Jim sayeth - Behold! Here is my son who I thought I had lost but
who now hast been returned unto me. Here is mine own son who will silence
the unbelievers and the idol worshippers. And Jim of Heller didst declare
his love for his son Michael, upon the holy stablets of Forum V.
Footnote by the Reverend John Hammond-Smyth:
Prodigal Son' is in my opinion, the most beautiful story written in the