You've been on the operating table just long enough to realize that the patient is you.
(Maharaji - Prem Rawat, date unknown)
From the Pulpit of
Reverend John Hammond-Smyth
The End Is (almost) Nigh
November 18, 1999 in the year of our lord
And I saw the great prophets; He who is called Bill of Burke, the Great RT and others and they didst preach unto the multitudes a message of great doom for the Y2K bug was afoot and the end of the world was nigh.
And the Lord spake unto the Children of Prem saying - Fear not O ye lotus flowers, for I have given you refuge in mine own bank account and thy money will be safe with me. For what doth it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose it in a Y2K bank account. I am the way, the truth and the right bank account and he that laboureth and giveth unto me shall have his reward in heaven and shall see me on pay-as-you-view TV.
And in those times there didst appear the Lord of the Underworld, the incarnation of evil whose name is Be-els-ebub and he didst create his domain upon the web and that place was Hell.
And he didst call unto the Children of Prem saying - come into mine domain for I shall give thee that which you seek. And he didst have dwelling in his domain the fair daughters of Be-els-ebub who were temptresses all. And they didst tempt the Children of Prem with their beauty and even the Goddess Robyn didst sit upon her throne and beckon to the red blooded men of Prem and take them away from their wives.
And I saw the Goddess Selene wearing the robe of Be-elsie-bub which was an see-through baby-doll nighty and she didst reveal her charms to the weak kneed men of Prem who could not resist her terrible beauty.
And behold; there appeared unto me a great prophet whose name was Roger of Drek. And he didst show me a vision of the Lord which didst strike me with awe. For I didst see the Lord in all his glory with great power and massive tits that were as two huge orbs like unto Dolly Parton. And I didst kneel upon the ground and sayeth - surely, now is the time of our judgement, now is the end time, for never before hath man seen such a sight as this!
And these things didst happen in November which was one month before the end of the world...
This is a fictional work.
All characters and events portrayed are fictional.
Any similarity to real persons other than Public Persons is strictly coincidental.
Any similarity to real events is also coincidental.