You've been on the operating table just long enough to realize that the patient is you.
(Maharaji - Prem Rawat, date unknown)
From the Pulpit of
Reverend John Hammond-Smyth
Exodus of children of Ex-prem
July 8, 1999 in the year of our lord
And it came to pass that the prophet called Jim of Heller was cast out of the tribe of Ex-prem and banished unto the wilderness of Anything Goes. And he didst wander in the wilderness for forty days and forty nights and lo, sad was his lament and the devil didst see his sorrow and didst come to tempt him. And the devil appeared unto Jim and sayeth - 'Write an email unto Brian and telleth him that thou art sorry for speaking thy mind.'
And Jim exclaimeth - 'Get thee behind me Satan for I shall never say what is not in my mind and upon my lips!' And the Devil didst run away and hide for he knew he was beaten. And behold, there rose up in the tribe of ex-prem, voices of dischord and confusion, that the prophet Jim had been cast out. And many of the children of the tribe didst wander over to the wilderness of Anything Goes to talk with the prophet and hear his words.
And lo, whilst many of the tribe were in the wilderness, a great beast with two heads didst descend upon the land of Ex-prem. And the beast's name was Rob and he didst wear a kilt and playeth the bagpipes and didst drown out the voices of the children of Ex-prem with his noise. And the children of Ex-prem didst not know from whence the beast called Rob had come. Some sayeth he came from God and some sayeth he was the Devil. And lo, confusion reigned throughout the land of Ex-prem.
And the king and queen were summoned before the elders, so great was their confusion. And lo, the king and queen sayeth - 'This tribe of Ex-prem has become unruly and ungovernable and verily we shall abdicate, for God has given us a sign and sendeth a new ruler and prepareth a new land for the children of Ex-prem.'
And behold; the children of Ex-prem fell upon their faces before their new king whose name was Gerry. And Gerry didst lead all the children of Ex-prem out of the wilderness unto a land flowing with milk and honey which is called Paradise.
This is a fictional work.
All characters and events portrayed are fictional.
Any similarity to real persons other than Public Persons is strictly coincidental.
Any similarity to real events is also coincidental.