You've been on the operating table just long enough to realize that the patient is you.
(Maharaji - Prem Rawat, date unknown)
Reverend John Hammond-Smyth
Sermon Number 745
On your knees, I say, you heathen scum! We are all equal before the Almighty for it says in Revelations, Chapter 99; and I saw a great door open in the midst of Heaven, and didst hear the sound of thunder and was sore afraid, for the children of Prem had been wasted, nay starved of their divine video link with the beast which has two heads. And A voice spoke to me saying - verily it has come to pass, as the prophet Bill Burke has sayeth to the multitudes for now is the time of the year 2000 bug and all the satellite systems are down.
Yea, and there was a wailing and a gnashing of teeth as the children of Prem didst go into the world and spake in tongues saying - where is thy video event? Thy enjoyinglife.org and thy participation meeting? Wither we goest to pay money into the account of the Maharaji, for all thy banks are closed?
And I saw a wonderous sight in Heaven. I saw the great prophets, Bill and Scott who were eating at the right hand of the true Lord with camping stove and pressure cooker, they had prepared a feast of boiled bean sludge. And the children of Prem flocked to the two great prophets saying - give us thy boiled bean sludge that we might stave off our hunger for we have no video event to attend. And the prohpets wept tears of compassion for the children of Prem saying - our bean sludge is yours for we have taken you into our hearts.
Praise be to the prophets!
This is a fictional work.
All characters and events portrayed are fictional.
Any similarity to real persons other than Public Persons is strictly coincidental.
Any similarity to real events is also coincidental.