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Posted:Thurs, Dec 21, 2000
Posted by: Larkin
Recipient: All
Subject: A midlife's tale

Life can be tough for a Lord of Creation
Faced with the prospect of sexual stagnation
The spread round the middle, the calories mounting
Those pants getting larger, cholesterol counting
The wife has a headache - or is it a lover?
You take to the bottle those urges to smother
And dream of a mission as wanton as Krishna’s
Entwined in the arms of your lady parishioners...

So pack me a chillum and pour the tequila
If anyone asks, you just tell ‘em it’s lila
Although I’ve the best that one man could afford
- I still need me a friend who will pimp for the Lord...

To some it may look like mere sexual predation
A darshan too far, just to ease my frustration
And my style of dating might not be the norm
But – hell – don’t they worship my physical form?
And if middle-age fears of erectile dysfunction
Are not aided much by the long, liquid luncheon
If I’m no Adonis when fully undressed
The size of my wallet still leaves them impressed…

So pack me a chillum and pour the tequila
If anyone asks, you just tell ‘em it’s lila
Although I’ve the best that one man could afford
- just give me a guy who will pimp for the Lord...

The house it looks good and the kids doin fine
The gardens are fruitful, the cellar has wine
The cook knows his olives, the wife knows her place
But – shit – the true Master still needs his own space
So fix me a suite in a five star hotel
Make sure that she’s blonde and is pretty as hell
And if she’s distressed by my sudden exposure
Make sure she’s signed something about non-disclosure…

Then pack me a chillum and pour the tequila
If anyone asks, you just tell ‘em it’s lila
Although I’ve the best that one man could afford
- God send me a mug who will pimp for the Lord...

90-100: As good as Sex Pistols God Save the Queen or Howl
80-89: Good beat, easy to dance to
70-79: Better than Blue Aquarius
60-69: As good as One Foundation
Less than 60: Worse than Maharaji's music or poems