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Posted: Tues, Sep 19, 2000
Posted by: Larkin
Recipient: All
Subject: If I had a hammer...

Who-oh-oh-oh…
who-oh-oh…

(Fakiranand)

If I had a hammer
I'd play it in the morning
I'd play it in the evening
All over this land..
I'd hammer out danger
I'd hammer out pie-men
I'd hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters…
Uh-oh … get me out of this land..!

Who-oh-oh-oh…
who-oh-oh…

(Rich Neale)

If I had a song
I'd pen it in the morning
I'd croon it in the evening
Sounding very unplanned…
I'd cram in too many syllables
And flowery devices…
Like 'something made me feel like I barely understood what a pearl-drop of perfection-gleam could exist in one's eye, but the sparkle of your glance made my heart start to dance while my sky was lit up by a shooting star…a shooting star… What name could I call you, what words could I say that might not turn me into a withering splurt of drivelling cat's piss…?' [Editor's cut]
Who-oh … all over this land…

Who-oh-oh-oh…
who-oh-oh…

(Prem Rawat)

If I had a cult
I'd milk it in the morning
and squeeze it in the evening
My word is their command…
I'd hammer out danger
I'd hammer out warning
I'd blat about love between our brothers and our sisters…
And make sure
They never understand..

Who-oh-oh-oh…
who-oh-oh…

(Jagdeo)

If I had… [Editor's cut]

Who-oh-oh-oh…
who-oh-oh…

(Tout ensemble)

If we had a brain
And used it in the morning
Then maybe by the evening
We'd even understand…
Understand about love
Understand about freedom…
Understand about love between my brothers and my sisters
Who-oh…

[Editor's note: if you want any more you can sing it yourself… Mr Larkin is embarked on a new project.]

90-100: As good as Sex Pistols God Save the Queen or Howl
80-89: Good beat, easy to dance to
70-79: Better than Blue Aquarius
60-69: As good as One Foundation
Less than 60: Worse than Maharaji's music or poems