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From the Pulpit of

Reverand John Hammond-Smyth

Sermon 753

The Prodigal Son

November 16, 2000 in the year of our lord


And it came to pass that in those times, Jim of Heller didst lament over the loss of his son, Michael, who had left the land of Ex-prem and had wondered unto the lands of Normalis and Worldliness to seek his fortune. And sad was Jim's lament for he sayeth to his brethren - Yeah, even though I have all mine own family of exes around me, it is Michael who I do sorely miss for only he can fulfil the need I have to heareth the ways of the Lord.

And Jim's family didst try to comfort him, saying - Ye still have us, O Jim of Heller and maybe Michael is so successful in the land of Normalis that he hath forgotten us.

But this perplexed Jim, for he did not believe in his heart that his favourite son could ever forget him. So he sent forth his messages upon the internet to Michael, begging him to make contact, but alas, no reply appeareth.

And some of the other sons of Jim of Heller spake badly about his favourite son and sayeth that Michael was only interested in the treasures to be found in the lands of Normalis and Worldliness and that Michael betrayeth his own family and maketh a pact with the Devil (whose name cannot be spoken).

And their rebukes of his favourite son didst anger Jim of Heller and he smote them with his words and didst go out into the fields, alone to seek solace. And he didst cry out unto the Lord, saying - Oh woe is me for I have lost the one son who could silence the wagging tongues of the unbelievers! Oh woe is me for I have lost my son and he didst never know that appreciation that I have for him! And he didst tear his clothes in his sorrow.

And Jim of Heller didst go back into his house after the midnight hour when all his family were asleep. And he didst go to his computer to pray that a miracle might happen therein. And lo, upon his screen appeareth an email from his son, Michael. And Michael didst write in the email that he leaveth the lands of Normalis and Worldliness and returneth home to the land of Ex-prem. And Jim's joy was so great that he woke up all of his family to tell them the good news.

And the next day, Jim sent forth his sons upon the information super highway to greet Michael who now returneth. And he didst unwrap the defatted tofu which had been saved for the wedding feasts and didst tell all his family and all of his brethren that now was the time for rejoicing and celibration for his son Michael had been returned to him.

And some of his sons sayeth - Why dost thou maketh a big fuss over Michael who didn't even give us a passing mention on his web site? Why dost thou favour him when we have never left you and have always been at your side. And why dost thou unwrap the defatted tofu for Michael?

And Jim sayeth - Behold! Here is my son who I thought I had lost but who now hast been returned unto me. Here is mine own son who will silence the unbelievers and the idol worshippers. And Jim of Heller didst declare his love for his son Michael, upon the holy stablets of Forum V.

Footnote by the Reverend John Hammond-Smyth:
'The Prodigal Son' is in my opinion, the most beautiful story written in the Bible.


Legal Disclaimer
This is a fictional work.
All characters and events portrayed are fictional.
Any similarity to real persons other than Public Persons is strictly coincidental.
Any similarity to real events is also coincidental.

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