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Date:

Wed, May 19, 1999 at 21:56:44 (EDT)

From:

Careless Castinyoga (CC)

Email:

galactic address

To:

EV One: Humor :)

Subject:

PRACHAR WARS: PREMHASOLD 1
Message:
Hi Everyone...I just purchased and read the Illustrated Screenplay to Star Wars, to diminish the FORCE of the hype to see it...Now that I KNOW the entire plot, I can shrug it off...just like this web site does to Mahahahaharaji. SO! Here is fun 4U

PRACHAR
WARS

A wrong time ago, in a residence far, far away...

A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the main title, followed by a roll-up, which crawls into infinity. Out of a donut of light comes the WORD

PREMHASOLD ONE:
THE RANT-OM MENACE


Discounts have engulfed the Whirled of Knowledge.
The wholesale merchandising of 4 Hindu meditation techniques by
its franchiser, Prem Pal Singed Rawat, and the Cultic Brainwashing
of his devotees, is in dispute by EX-members of Rawat's Elan Vital. (A 70’s Guru Cult known as Divine Light Mission, DUO, DECA, and Visions)

PPSR makes solvent the matter with an announcement
of 2 one-day Programmings; the greedy Rawat is again Master-baiting in Miami and Montreal. His usual strategy: to imply he is the One who gives the 'gift of breath' and the Sacred Knowledge, thus selling more stuff, and receiving thousands in tax-free donations for his jet plane, homes and megalomaniac dreams and desires.

Additionally, 'Serve-Us', is offered - work for the unpaid followers-but at their own expense. In exchange, they get to recall a 'feeling inside' -which they already have-and which goes away when they return home. It is this Bliss conditioning that makes them CO-dependent on the Maha-raji, once known to them as The Lord Of The Universe. Some still believe that ‘Guru is Greater than God!’

While the Onliners of Ex-Premie.Org endlessly debate the usual Chains of an Event,The Supreme Webmaster has secretly dispatched two THREAD EYE KNIGHTS, the Guardians of Wisdom, Analysis and Creativity on the Internet, to settle the Consciousness. Their Purpose: To correct the Cults’ distorted Belief Systems
and the subsequent loss of time, money and sanity for generations
to come. Purpose Two: to assist those who want out.

PAN DOWN to reveal a small Audi heading toward the camera at slow speed. PAN with the vehicle as it heads towards the Miami Beach Convention Center; in front are hundreds of devotees of the Living Perfect Master, dressed to impress themselves.

RT-SAN: (off-screen voice) Usher, tell them I wish to be bored at once.
USHER DROID: Yes sir. Excuse me, with all due respect to Elan Vital sales hours, these Onliners for Ex-Premie.Org wishes aboard immediately.
ELAN VITAL SALES: Yes, yes, of course,..ahhh...as you know, our cult, uh, cute merchandise is perfectly legal within IRS loopholes, and we'd be happy to receive you...Master Card or Visa?

INT. SOUVENIR HALL OF DIVINE MERCHANDISE
A GREETING DROID, GD-4, stands at the door to the Merchandise Hall.
Two worker droids, TAPE STACKER 7, and PHOTO PINNER-UPPER 12, watch.

GD-4: Heh. He must be loaded if EV allowed one of those...thinking ex-premies into the program. Ming.
TS7: Mirage-ji says the door is always open. This guy really must want the latest Caracas video where you can see His feet - just barely tho! Only $29.95 and it’s a FULL 19 minutes! It’s usually $39.50...
PPU-13: It's beautiful, to see people who leave this Path return, with their wallets out; it’s like...an offering.

INT. HALLWAY

The door opens, the two cloaked Onliners are led into the festive convention hall by GD-4.

GD-4: I hope you honored souls will be most comfortable with Phase Two. My Master will be within you shortly.

The Usher Droid waves to RT-SAN and OBI-NON GURUPI.
The two THREAD EYE KNIGHTS lower their laptops and look out at a row of garish banners over the merchandise: VIDEOS, CLOTHING, MEDALLIONS, PROGRAM TAPES, PHOTOS, TRUST FUNDS.

RT-SAN, a veteran of 24 years in the Cult, is in his fourties. OBI-NON is but twenty-five, but his parents have had Knowledge since he was 7.

OBI-NON: I have a bad feeling about this.
RT-SAN: I sense a great increase in the Farce.
OBI-NON: It's not about out mission, man, it's something...elsewhere...elusive. Am I sensing...Devotion? Please, not more victims of incense!
RT-SAN: Don't center on their brainwashing, Obi-non, keep your concentration here and now where it belongs.
OBI-NON: Webmaster Brain says I should be mindful of the future postings...
RT-SAN: ...but not at the expense of the moment. Be mindful of the Lying Farce, my dear non-premie. You're lucky: You heard the BS but never took indoctrination. I needed 9 months of THREAD EYE KNIGHT training to get clear...Still, you lost your parents’ help to DECA on the 747 project....they were broke for years. Be thankful for your college scholarship! Practice the Techniques I revealed to you, when you wish. The Knowledge is not the issue, it’s this pseudo inner relationship that Rawat warps people with.

INTERIOR-ELAN VITAL CUBICLE-DESK

HALL USHER 1 and EV 2 stand, stunned, before GD-4.

HU-1: (shaken) What?!? What did you say?
GD-4: These Ex-Premies are THREAD EYE KNIGHTS, I believe. Creative free thinkers!
EV-2: I knew it! They were sent to leave room for doubts! Don't talk to them or you're done for! There’s no reasoning with logic!
HU-1: Stay calm! I'll call security if they get too close to the stage, like 500 feet. Now, go. Distract them with the latest magazine until I can contact this premie I used to date, from The Residence Staff.
EV-2: Are you in your mind? I'm not going in there with those two THREAD EYES. Send the Usher. He's from Miami, anyway.

+

RT-SAN and OBI-NON sit at a cappuccino table near the T-shirts.

OBI-NON: Is it their habit to want this stuff? Desires are truly endless. Did you see this crap? Look: Airplane Barf-Bags, with Swans on them!

The concession door opens and Usher GD-4 enters with a stack of Introductory Brochures and magazines.

RT-SAN: NO...I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as a VISA purchase. Is the Media expected? It’s about time, I think...

Suddenly OBI-NON and RT-SAN turn off their computers and listen intently. A faint whining, pleading sound can be heard.

RT-SAN: Satsang Music! In the Main Hall!

OBI-NON and RT-SAN each take a sudden breath and hold it, as they insert industrial-strength earplugs. The premies around them freeze and look at a TV set: It’s a live feed and RAWAT is dancing on stage - half naked in a Mala - and THEY are missing it! Dozens of premies begin to fry! Some run, crashing into kiosks - and lose the ‘feeling of gratitude’—others actually think about losing a Darshan opportunity that they traveled hundreds of miles to experience - OH, to sway, mindless, with thousands of their brothers and sisters - for at least 2 minutes! It’s Holi Hell!

Only with calm, clear thinking and questioning, by THREAD EYE KNIGHTS, can they be saved. If they choose to.

RT-SAN: Quick! Boot up www.Ex-Premie.org...Forum III....
Start A New Thread.
From: Careless Castinyoga
Email: GALACTIC..
To: EV One
Subject: PRACHAR WARS: PREMHASOLD ONE

.
...to be continued?


MAY THE FARCE BE WITHOUT YOU...

JUST SAY KNOW

+++

5 Brighter than 1000 suns as seen through night vision goggles
4 As bright as the lights on Maharaji's jet
3 As bright as a 60 watt light bulb
2 As bright as a pile of burning ghi on a swinging arti tray
1 As bright as the inner light as seen by the third eye
Other